i will feel better when they visit. i am more ready for them now. the biggest problem is that they don't understand at all anything about this so amy pretty just wants me to cheer up which as you know is frustrating. they were here before christmas and they freaked out about how sloppy my house is (which is ironic because their house is always sloppier than mine was that day, when they lived locally i used to clean their house for them when they went out of town. well now my house is considerably worse than their last visit so i think they may freak even more than what prompted them to call the police.

the sleeping has been really bad and i have been working on it with my doctor and therapist. i do shower and dress every single day. i fight to stay out of bed for the day but i am only occasionally successful --maybe once a week. a few weeks ago i was out of bed two or three days in a row and i thought i was finally breaking through but then i slid back again. i also have not been able to get out of the house much at all, whereas i used to be able to at least get out regularly so this is something that has gotten worse. i have not missed a single doctor appointment though, and i go out to buy food when i am empty. but not much else. i have not been able to go to my regular weekly support group for quite a while now... but if you saw my message from last friday i did force myself to get out and i caught the last twenty minutes of the meeting (and that was the last time i had socks on BTW

so i have been working on it but i haven't been very successful. i do keep in mind the little accomplishments like making it to the support group so taht at least i did something. plus i know many people are unable to get up and shower and i've been doing that every day.

thank you for your message sundance. i'll see how the visit goes, should be about an hour till they get here.

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