((((beauflow)))) thank you so much for your post. i know i've looked back with sadness of innocence lost but looking forward predicts my life is so much better. you have chosen the right path. you realize the harm drugs did to you. your confidence (in a healthy way) will return. i lost all mine too. the first 6 months of sobriety i was a terrified rabbit. i was afraid to believe all that would change. i didn't know who i was! the longer i stayed sober the better i felt about myself. being able to stay sober was definitely a confidence booster. many PPL never reach that pinnacle to discover a new way of living. you have begun that worthwhile journey. there will be a day you will suddenly discover your confidence in yourself is within you. you'll also discover many abundant qualities you possess that you are proud of. strive to look forward not back. it may be too raw just yet to reflect. that's ok.....and my friend you are ok.  you are a beautiful person. i've watched you grow. all the promises will come true if you maintain your sobriety. 
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THE A.A. PROMISES If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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