Thank you, Anika! The problem is that he has a very unusual condition - PTSD caused not by an event but by a person - me. He was diagnosed this way, it is not made up. And what happened is that he hurt his back badly carrying something heavy. While I am not at fault for this particular incident at all, I am at fault for the fact that his back is so easily hurt. Many years ago we lived with my son from my first marriage; the boy was a continuous annoyance to the neighbors and we were asked to move several times for ostensibly unrelated reasons (the condo is being sold, the apartment needs a major renovation, the landlord needs to raise the price tremendously and for that reason wants another tenant) but in reality due to complaints from neighbors to the management. We did not have money for the movers at the time and he did all the moving himself. That made his back vulnerable. I did nothing to make my son behave well - I was completely helpless. So yesterday, when I offered help in the form of transporting the children to school (he hurts most when sitting so driving a car is a torture to him) and shopping for groceries, he contemplated the offer and found it... sadistic. Like I first drive him into a bad situation and then "extend a helping hand". So I wish I had not offered in the first place - it ended up being crossing the boundary because he does not want me in his life so closely, he wants a distance (plus, he explained, the children are old enough to carry the groceries themselves, so my offer is irrelevant) - but I know in my heart that I had good motives - I was not being sadistic.

He is not working due to my insistence that he stay home with the children and now he has such a gap in the resume that it is impossible to find work. So he tells me that instead of offering trivial help where it is irrelevant, I should help in the form of undoing what I have done, ie find him a job. But I cannot.

On a more positive note, he said that what would be helpful is my trashing a good part of stuff in my apartment so that I would move into his apartment with minimal stuff, which would allow him to leave a walk-in closet-full of stuff untouched. He would be coming (when his back is hopefully better) when I am at work to go through the closet little by little, trashing stuff and moving only what is needed. He does not want to pay the movers for moving trash again. He only wants to move what is truly necessary this time. So there is something helpful I can be going and I will be doing it today and the whole weekend. It is a plus for me too - the less stuff I move, the better for me. A win-win.

I have had 10 hours of sleep and feel very refreshed. In the past in a similar situation I would have woken up at 3AM with thoughts that would not let me go back to sleep - an "early awakening", a depressive symptom. Not today. So either Temazepam is working particularly well for sleep (knock on wood) or indeed my changed, positive, attitude is making a difference. I suspect that both.

Btw thanks for being proud of me! I will go for a walk now for 30 mins, before I embark on decluttering. Since I know it reduces anxiety, I might as well do it before anxiety strikes - maybe it is preventative, too. Have a great weekend!

Edited to add: the drugs, Prozac and Temazepam, appear to be "free" in that I do not "pay" for taking them with side effects. In that regard they are different from Lithium (e.g. I "pay" for taking Lithium by having to take a thyroid hormone drug). But my understanding is that Lithium does not lose its effectiveness over time, while both ADs and benzos do. All the more important to put in place non-pharmacological coping methods while these drugs are still working, to be prepared for when they stop.