I am so hurting. I won't have an apt with t in over a month. Everything has turned to crap lately. I went on a vacation and I had an appointment the morning I was going to fly out. Well, I woke up with pink eye so that didn't work, I had to go to the Dr. instead. Then my therapist cancelled the appointment I had when I returned the following week. He went on vacation this week.

Then on this last Thursday I received a call from the receptionist that I didn't have any appointments in September. I always schedule months in advance because only a certain day and time work for me since I work in another town and have a half hour commute.

I had scheduled back in May according to their system and t had thought about changing his schedule so he had the office manager take out those appointments. Which no one informed me about. I just thought he was stilll just thinking about it. I had told him that those were the only times that worked for me so in the end he kept it open.

Side note** He had just switched his schedule two months earlier and I had been at that time for years. So this was the only other time that worked for me with my work schedule.**

Jump forward to now. I did not have any clue that my times had been removed and then opened back up for anyone to take and now they are gone. Oh and the kicker is that he doesn't have any other openings for the whole month of September. So actually it will be about 7 weeks with no appointment.

Oh and t was gone when all of this was going down on Thursday. He saw I had no apt in September and told it to the secretary as he was in the parking lot to leave. I guess calling me would have been too much work. His wife was there and they told her what the problem was and she just said, "Well, things happen. She can call the crisis line if she needs in the mean time." Are you Effin kidding me? Ouch.

The only times that were open were Thursdays at 0830 which really sucks because I have group in the afternoon that day. It is my only day off for the week and it is t's last work day of the week so if we tear into a bunch of stuff he is not available for another 4 days. Well I don't know why that matters, he really isn't available at all anymore besides apt times. If I call him say on Monday morning after waiting out the long weekend he will call me after 7 pm at night which is excruiciating because I have already been pushed to my limit of waiting for help by Monday morning. So I just don't even call anymore.

Anyways, I sucked it up and mustered all of the "big girl" bones in my body and said I would take the 0830s on Thursdays. I will just choose which one ,individual or group, I want to do for the week and cancel out of the other. I do not want to go there twice in one day it really ruins my only day off. Plus I am in school full time and work full time.

I have been crying for the last week pretty much. I feel like just a number. Just a time slot in his week that can be so easily replaced. I feel like I have zero connection with him and I really want to just cut my losses and quit at this time. I also feel not cared about and really insignificant in his life. I miss the time where I was naive and thought I really mattered. Sob sob.
I am really looking for support right now.