Thanks everyone for your replies. Sorry I didn't come back sooner to read them. I needed the last couple of days to process my feelings on my own and try to decide how exactly I was feeling about the whole situation. I have discovered that it is important for me to isolate myself so I can discover my own feelings without them being...um...overlaid by other people's opinion. Once I discover how it is I feel then I can safely enter a conversation about it and not lose contact with my inner self.

I have decided that my decision was a good one. There came a time about a year ago when I realized that I already knew what my T was going to say before I would take my issue into him. I think this is a sign that I had outgrown him. It isn't that he isn't a good therapist. He has helped me tremendously and I appreciate what he has done for me. The angst is that he can't do anything more for me and going in there is like pounding my head against a brick wall. All pain no purpose. I also realize that I need more then he can give me emotionally. He protects himself by building a wall around himself so there is no energy exchange. This is understandable but in a way very sad. For me it has the affect of being unimportant, just a timeslot to be filled, money to be made. I have no part in his life. No affect on him personally. This makes thing unbalanced and, for me, unhealthy.

I know it sounds like I am asking a lot. My husband doesn't understand. He said that it is because dan is a professional. I have had experience with 4 therapist now and tried to explain to my hubby that it isn't a matter of being a professional it is just Dan's style. It served it's purpose in the beginning but now it has become more hurtful then helpful.

My new T is so totally different. She believes in the exchange of energy between patient and doctor. It is like reiki. When someone energy heals there must be a circular movement of energy between client and provider. If there isn't then one or the other is left drained and empty. I funneled all my energy into Dan and he never sent any back so I would have to replenish it elsewhere. Catherine however is not afraid to take in her patients energy because she knows how to cleanse her spirit and how to transform negative energy to positive energy.

I guess the crux of the matter is a spiritual difference. I believe that my illness is not just mundane but spiritual as well. I need help being healed not only in this realm but in the spiritual realm. I need someone who can show me how. Fortunately Catherine is educated in the mundane and in the spiritual healing so hopefully it will work out between us. Plus she can give me hugs.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft