Sorry about all the new threads lately everyone...I don't mean to be a thread hogger its just that things haven't been going great lately.
So as some of you might know. I am seeing this new T, well two new t's not sure which one I will continue to see yet but the one I seen this week is young, well a little older than me and a lot younger than other T.
WE have been emailing a lot, which I find is really helping but when I see her, it doesn't help.
She never asks how I am or whats happening just sits there and waits for me to talk, which I can't with her.
Well one of the reasons she agreed to see me was if she was allowed to contact my doctor because I was SUi, I agreed eventually, well since then, four sessions later, she never asks how my anti deppressants are going or if I still feel sui, well today I went dramatically backwards...I feel into a bad hole today and all the old thoughts came back, I haven't felt this bad in months.
See this girl I have been seeing very briefly decided today that she needed some space because she felt her feelings were too overwhelming so all the feelings of being abandoned and rejected came back and nearly destroyed me...I stayed inside all day and cried and cried and found myself thinking I can't do this anymore, constantly getting hurt but I don't want to be alone forever and ever. I hate being gay. I wish I could just go asleep and never wake up. But when I sleep I dream about my ex, I am stuck in this hell on earth and it feels neverending.
I don't want to bother T at the weekend, it when I have emailed her in the past she has been great, really good advice and genuinely caring but in real life I am left feeling worse. I don't want to email her in case she contacts my doctor.