((((safe hugs)))) I'm sorry you are suffering through these memories. One positive note on this... the brain usually doesn't begin to bring them up for processing until you are ready... this means you are healing. I know it must be unbelieveably tough! Another thing, if you can remember, you are safe now, they are memories, and as horrible as they are, they aren't happening now. (((hug))) I hope you don't feel bad for finally saying it... I hope you find a T soon. TC