Tinkerbell: Hi. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I understand your frustration with BPD. The symptoms of BPD are tough to live with and many of us diagnosed do not live with it, it kills us.
You are a strong person who is surviving this illness. Sometimes, fighting with it everyday, I get angry that I survive, but I know, after all that I have been through, that I am a survivor. I see that in your post too. Your pain is obvious, but so is your strength.

I encourage you to just keep fighting and learning and reaching out and growing. We both know that, as horrible as we may feel now, that feelings are temporary. The emotions we have will change, sooner or later.

As dark as it may be for you now, there likely will be other times that you will smile again. You will be able to see beauty again, where now there is only despair.

After night come dawn and with it, daylight. Hold on through the night, my fellow survivor.