Thanks Anika, you are such a sweetie.

That's right! The pacing! Oddly enough, I thought about that just the other day. Can't remember exactly, but think it was something about being able to get my walking in w/o having to go out in public. On going to the hospital, I never have, psych-wise and only twice physical-wise. Stubborn unto my detriment? Most assuredly. Besides, I've already just been there with the hip. They had to pump me so full of demerol that they were very hesitant to write an rx upon discharge, for fear of OD or something. But, ya know, it's not as if when something like that wears off, suddenly you're all better(!) Ha! Wish that were so! It was BF that had inquired. He pointed out that it was 5 am or something and that there wouldn't even be a pharmacy open for hours. Oh, right. Ok. I didn't know any of this had transpired till a couple days later. Anyhow! If I went back for this, I'm afraid they would think I was after wanting to be all whacked out or something(!) Lol. I go off stuff as fast as I can, and have actually asked to have RXs reduced in quantity, but you know how they think. But you know, it's the daytimes that are the worst. Night may not be "normal", but I feel relatively ok then, you know? I don't think they'd let me run off every night.

Day and night have always been distinctly different for me too. Like you say, it's not just the light. It's a whole different energy, and night is soooooooooo my best time. Which is one reason it's kind of hard to notice when it starts to get out of whack. But I promise to try to reel it back. If it'll help the daytimes, I'm all for it. Doing boring things. Hmmm.

I do normally swear and agree it's hard to otherwise express. At first, I just thought it was the sheer endurance test that was the road trip wearing me thin. (Not just the time it took, but the monotony, the not knowing where you were going to be sleeping any given night, etc.) Then I thought it was just not wanting to be there and being grumpy about having to move and unpack stuff with the heat. Those things may not exactly have helped, sure, but it did take awhile to figure out that I wasn't "just" depressed.

On the town thing. Yes, I remember the worry you had about that party, and you're right. I probably shouldn't worry so much on it. It's not like I'm all about town, some big town figure with a polished public image to maintain. And physical.... You know, I really don't react at all well to the heat... (And the crowd said, "Wow! Apparently not!" "She is quite pale. Is she unaccustomed to the heat from being from one of the poles?" Uhhhh... yeah, that's it.

No APs in the arsenal. It'd be the Lamictal being upped (there's still room to go to levels I've been on before). Only other thing really is the Wellbutrin. I've got xanax for PRN, and yeah, I've used a bit to try to wind down (no worries on getting carried away, not my style). Sometimes antihistimine, whaddyacallit. I tried sleeping pills once (not recently). No effect. Just laid there awake. So that's a no-go. Actually, it just occured to me that the AC is helpful. I can't sleep if it's hot (like, unfortunately, tonight). I should use its chilly allure and monotonous hum to advantage! Actually, that's sounding pretty good RIGHT NOW! The bedroom is the only room that has it. That's a serious lure...Hmmm.

And it's only 1:30! Woot! Wish me luck!