Pmarie, oh you are doing so well! This is hard hard work, but, like Sky said, "it" doesn't reveal itself til you are strong enough to deal with "it". Whatever "it" is.

Getting the uglies out of yourself and into consciousness is like draining a boil. OwOwOw at the lancing, OwOwOw at the draining, but AhAhAh at the relief of letting go.....

Everybody here has been through "it" one way or another. Or is going through "it" one way or another. Survivors are tuff. Healing survivors are miracles. Welcome aboard.