oh halleluia!!!!!  
OH thanks, J!!!  J, you express yourself so well. wish you'd post a poem/prose about where your addiction took you. your words are powerful and jam packed.
what instrument do you play? maybe play something that inspires you. (i used to play a yanni CD. will have to do. sis took my piano.  )
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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