It seems to me that change has been very difficult for some of us to deal with and our emotions are running away with us. IMO, it's time to step back and do what we can to recenter, refocus. I hope that the rest of this post HELPS and does not cause more upset and arguments. I'm going to plead with you that if you find that this upsets you, please just move on and don't post negatively. We need to get back to what this site is about and that is SUPPORT. PC is known for its supportive, caring and understanding members. Let's do what we can to get back to that, PLEASE!

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

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A refresher course in Cognitive Modification, usually called CBT.

1. All or Nothing (Black or White): This involves seeing things as though there were only two possible categories.

2. Over generalizing: A negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

3. Mental Filter: Seeing only the negative aspects of a situation while screening out the positive aspects.

4. Jumping to Conclusions: Predicting things will go a certain way before you have the facts.

A. Mind Reading: Assuming that you know exactly what someone is or will be thinking about you.

B. Fortune-telling: Predicting that things will turn out badly and that you won't be able to cope.

5. Magnifying or Minimizing: Overvaluing or minimizing the importance of a situation or certain information.

6. Emotional Reasoning: Assuming that how you feel is an accurate reflection of how things are.

7. Shoulds: You tell yourself that things "should" or "shouldn't" be a certain way. We do this with ourselves, other people, and situations. Variations of this can include "musts," "have to's" and other imperatives which sound like they come from some external authority figure.

8. Labeling: This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking which can be damaging to our self-esteem and our relationships. Instead of simply acknowledging a mistake, we say "I'm just a screw-up" (substitute "loser," "jerk," "idiot," etc.) Applying labels to others (e.g., "that SOB") will tend to blind us to other qualities which could benefit us in the relationship.

9. Personalizing: (Blaming) This thinking mistake creates enormous preventable suffering. This occurs when we hold ourselves responsible for something which isn't or wasn't entirely under our control. Or in some extreme cases, blaming ourselves for anything and everything that goes wrong.

PLEASE! Let's restore the peace!