He is very serious. And I've made some serious faux pas - started a conversation about my attachment to him which was not welcome, given how much I have destroyed his life. So he is very serious, and I actually see his point - if it is difficult for him to be nice to me all the time because if his flashbacks, then it is better not to have relations.

But I am at my wit's end - how will I organize my life? I used to devote Sundays to them - what will I do with my Sundays now? How will I fill the void?

I have heard that given my condition I would have been able to get supervised visitation but I will not disturb him in that way. Plus, the children are so big that they would have a say in the decision, and I know that they do not want supervised visitation.

At present I feel emotionally numb.