Zero lecture on meds from me. What a hypocrite that would make me. Completely understand that one.

I also understand making promises and commitments to others at the expense of ones self. That's a hard thing to change, especially if you are a giver. Even more so if you are a giver who was taught that doing other wise would be selfish and selfish is very bad. I was pretty much taught that. You see that it is a problem for you, so just baby steps then right? Try saying no, even just to one small thing, probably will feel awkward and bad, but maybe good after? After you see that it was a good choice, you can start to feel good about honoring your own needs as well. Honoring ones self starts to feel pretty good once you get used to it. I think a lot of us were never taught to feel comfortable doing it.

This illness is ridiculous, yup! It is, like you have to become a pro surfer just to stay afloat, not even talking about standing on the surf board even.

I hope you can reach out more when you need support, can hardly just give give give and not get burnt out.

EDIT:

Just to get some ideas going, maybe what you could do to distract from some of these thought till your meds are sorted. Nothing wrong with having negative thoughts, but sometimes you know how it goes, we spend too much time there and the whole ship starts to sink. What are some things that you like to do, or some that you could do?

Sometimes I'll play mahjong online, or work on a puzzle ( old fashioned cardboard kind ), I'll even grab one of my kids colouring books and just colour, knit, read. Something that I can do without too much stress over doing.

orrr venting is always good too. Bipolar makes me pretty angry sometimes too.