Don't read your writing...just write to get it out of your system and that's it. Don't throw it away; maybe one day you'll be able to, but not now. If you read your writing, all that will happen is you will fall in to despair and you'll feel whatever pain you were experiencing at the time. I am a life-long journal writer who's always written the most when I'm in despair or feeling desperate. To this day, I can't read things I wrote 30 years ago without feeling it...it just brings back all of the stuff I DON'T want to remember. Keep writing, though. It will help and provide some relief went you feel pent up and just need to release some of it.