im not sure the right forum/ thread to put this in, so again i apologize if this is the wrong place.

i found this site because im looking for advice about obsessive thoughts. i don't think im obsessive compulsive, but i always find my thoughts reverting to a particular person i have idealized in my mind. i know that it is idealization (i guess this overlaps as perhaps borderline), and i also realize i don't know her fully as a person, or really know her at all. but i can't stop thinking about her/ can't turn off the desire to connect with her. due to my personal beliefs, im only seeking to pursue a healthy friendship with her (she is kind of a mentor role). however while she knows i have issues with her, i don't bring this up because i think it would be violating for another person to know they are being obsessed over. i'd like to stop obsessing, find a resting place for my thoughts, but all my thoughts just revert back to her. ive put several boundaries in place to help this, or because i fear being dangerous (obsessive behavior i no longer participate in, though its a challenge). this has been for several months, and on and off through the past few years.

i know while i feel like im "in love" that it is only infatuation and idealization, as i have felt this way about others, later finding them completely devalued. any practical advice about the thought life? i just find myself thinking about her all throughout the day, like she is my default or home base. my world revolves around her, what she says to me, etc.... id like to remain in contact with her and not "cut things off," though i am willing to do that if necessary. i have put boundaries on contact too, so this helps. in the end, whether i interact with her or not, its still in my mind, a kinda of authority - emotional dependency i hope to break. would really appreciate any advice. thanks!