My therapist would say that 'manipulate' might be something else. It might be what we need to do, or it might be what we learned (and there is much to explore about that, especially the fears and insecurities they provoke).
I think it we communicate the way we know how, and it feels frustrating to me because I don't usually see it until after the fact, and I wish I had better direct communication skills.
I'm working on it, and noticing it is the first step.