Hamster,

Maybe he is right, in that like a drug it's toxic.

But I keep trying to make sense of what you wrote. He might very well have injured his back when moving all that stuff, because of your son, etc. What I don't understand is how you are to take so much blame. You never set out with intentions... "hey I'm gonna break your back!". That was not something you could predict, people move all the time, I myself have moved my whole household by myself and I'm not big, my back is fine.It just isn't rational or logical to put all the blame on you for that.

Also PTSD caused by an actual person and not an event isn't that uncommon. I think they call it Complex PTSD. I have PTSD cause by my ex, it wasn't a single event that caused it it was years of his emotional and physical abuse. Not to mention the same stuff by my father. I find all this PTSD stuff confusing. I'm not sure he would have Complex PTSD. What I do know is that I found a way to heal myself from this, that is possible. Is he working on this? I suffered through abusive all through childhood and into my first marriage. But I think it's something that can be worked on and healed, maybe not 100%. But a great deal of it can.

You may have made mistakes in this relationship, you may have done stuff you wish you didn't or regret, but from what I can see from the small glimpses here, you aren't the only one who has problems in this. If he can really turn a genuine offer into you being "sadistic" PTSD or not, that's a huge wild stretch. Sometimes people are a bit absent minded or forget things, really there is no harm or foul in this. Unless he wants to make it that way.

To me it sounds like he likely has many problems too. But you are the only one taking the brunt for it, maybe cause you do feel wrong for things, and guilty. But he doesn't sound healthy to me.

The kids, well are you sure that's what they would want? I don't really understand why having no contact with him = no contact with your kids. They are your children too, and you are their mother. I also don't really understand how this works in America either. Here there isn't really an age of consent with this, the children can voice their say, a judge may take that into account, but will not only rely on that.

Often when marriages break down kids are taught parental alienation from the other parent. Basically one parent pitting the children against the other parent. I call it brainwashing, and I think this is why here they do not allow children to have full say, also because it's usually about what is in the child's best interest, if children knew and did what was in their best interest then they wouldn't need parents anyways. Not saying this is your situation, just about why children might not have full say.

Anyways Hamster, keep talking to us, we're here for you. We all know you are working really hard. I hope you are doing ok?