I'm very sorry that you are feeling so badly today. You are very hard on yourself. You should try to give yourself a break. It's quite possible that others do NOT see you the way you see yourself. I suffer from some of the same things you suffer from so I feel like I can say this. Never mind what YOU think others think of you. Try to learn to love yourself because it's the most important thing you can do for you right now. You are NOT alone. You have at least one friend here.