I think that you experience both ways of thinking stems directly from the depression. It may be that as you try to accomplish the things you need or want to, and you are unable due to life circumstances or the general depressed mood, you become frustrated and more depressed. It is a vicious cycle.

July? By July, if you work on getting the medication better balanced, you might be much better. I wouldn't put off helping yourself till then. In fact, if this depression really is caused by all that is going on, some talk therapy and medication could help it lift within 3-6 months. Talking with your primary might be all you need.... coming here and posting will probably help too... if it doesn't just unearth more of your frustrations without helping you find your answers.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>