Well, I am trying to deal. I went out for a haircut and got some groceries and treated myself to 2 mini-pies. (And 2 carrots for good health.) I would like to go either to the gym or bike riding but instead will go to a free jazz concert in my neighborhood this afternoon. I had a glass of white wine to relax.

I have had many therapists both gay and straight. And, I had many different types of therapy. The results have been so meager that I cannot justify the expense - I would like to do other things with my life than sit in a chair talking. The chances of me sleeping with women is nil - there is no arousal on my part. And, most of my abusers have been women. I have mixed emotions about sex; I really don't like being touched. I am watching the US Open (tennis) even though I cannot play anymore due to injuries. It's frustrating not being able to play tennis or sports of any kind. Unlike most gay men, I do not like theater. I do not fit in the gay community at all. How you look is very important in the gay community. I do not measure up.