hey there thanks for the kind welcome

well i know there are some other issues going on... like.. she's a woman, kind of a mentor role (and im female, 21). i don't want to get into the whole "gay" thing, and also i just want to pursue a healthy friendship.

thanks for sharing your personal examples... yes i do try to remember no one is worthy of worship but God (my personal belief), and do see this person is an idol... except i know in reality she does care, not just for me but several others in a mentor type role. it hurts thinking about the reality though, like you said, about the reality of what their care is like.

i try to engage with other people, live in the moment, replacing the thoughts... sometimes i think though that this is mere avoidance/ denial, not actually dealing with my feelings. anyhow.. maybe this helps identify more of whats going on.. again thanks for the feedback.

also thats a good idea, remembering what it was like in the past. i know the facts, and i know in my head she is human, but i don't believe it in my heart, and can't change my feelings. i know i can do something about my thoughts though to help my feelings.. so thats what im working on.. redeeming my obsessive thoughts.. or how to do that.