i'm with jenny. when her brain has a clear thought, it will kill her. for me, for her to go through 5 little lives like she did, shows there was not a clear thought within a hundred miles.

i almost threw a howling for 8 hours, sick newborn, down a flight of marble stairs to shut her up. i didn't want to kill her, i just needed a moment of silence so bad i lost my mind over it. fortunately as i had her raised above my head and was ready to chuck she shut up, i came to and almost died on the spot to find myself standing at the top of the marble stairs with her up there above my head and me ready to chuck her.

i was a kid. 15 or 16. that moment is never far from my consciousness. it changed everything for me. i had become my father. it was like a tsunami of fear rolled through me. i sat down in a rocking chair with that precious little bundle of life and swore i would never raise my hand in anger again.

i literally had to sit on them so i wouldn't spank anybody. to break my family's training. physical violence was de rigeur in my childhood world.

so back to andrea yates. i don't hear voices. i fear that if i had had voices on top of frustration....... no hope for the baby. i feel like i was given a miracle (in her sudden silence) which gave me the break in routine i needed to see where i was in my life.
and make changes before i totally blew it.

i had no idea i was capable of throwing a baby down the stairs before i found myself ready to do it. i was soooo close. it still scares the poo out of me today. hard ot believe of myself. we just don't know until we're there sometimes.

to me, any way you cut it, andrea's life is over.