ok darlin, you've had the bumps. sounds like your a bit depressed and afraid this is to be your life...... Whoa Nelly!
(as we say out here in the wild west).... i betcha some good has happeden too. Could you make that list as well. ?.

When i was your age, 400 million years ago, i was running a broken tape in my head of all that had gone wrong, too. it really put a crimp in my style. i had to dig deep for the goodies, but, they were there in my memories, too.

just think how strong you are to have survived it all. your posting here tells me you're interested in moving on with healing and i congratulate you!