Soooo, did go in to sleep at a more "reasonable" hour the other night. Took about an hour for debating about something - - Good idea? Bad idea? Had I maybe read about it at some point that I'm not remembering? What if?? -- that wouldn't go away till I decided it would probably be ok and got up and did it. You know how that goes. Next morning, SSDD. Decided to distract by kicking back and reading the forums. Dubblemonkeys pics were great, and that got me onto a rabbit trail of image surfing. Quite some time goes by. You know how that goes too, lol. Was actually starting to feel half-decent. Thought, "Ooooh, today, maybe a break from this state..."

Then the neighbors started a BBQ. One guy yapping loud enough for the entire street to hear. Non-stop. Like... not even 10 seconds pause. (Not pressured speech, or I'd cut slack for mania ya know? ). Then The Cackler arrived. This went on for hours and hours. Even at the opposite end of the apartment, fan running, water running, still loud and clear. Well, as you can imagine, none of this was improving my mood. (Putting it lightly.)

Then they turned on the music.

Flip out time. Oh how I wished to own a cd more abrasive then I actually possess. Picked one (that they definitely would not like). Opened the windows back up (they'd previous been slammed shut with commentary), put the speakers on the sill and turned it on. ON. And UP. Because I am generally a considerate neighbor, I only did it for a bit (1 song?) to make a point. This point was totally ignored.

All their crap went on for... about 9 hours(?!) So the wished-for calm state did not happen. By night, I was exhausted and hating this place more than ever. Distract. Computer, right? It randomly shut off 4 times in about 10 minutes. MY UNIVERSE SUCKS!!!!!! Slumped to a melancholic defeated mound upon the couch. For quite some time. Then the tsunami. Cried and cried, don't even know how long. It was probably a good thing, but sucked at the time.

Must've been awhile, as the clock surprised with 2:30. Took again about an hour to fall asleep, which was a bit weird, because I was exhausted and had taken something. And dropped some on the floor and once picked up couldn't remember if I'd actually taken it. So I took one (another?. Lol.). (Don't worry, nothing drastic.)

So starting last night and all day today, the energy part of the equation has gone. Totally gone. Wasn't going to get up at all, till BF started pestering about "cleaning up" the room I hang out in (ie. computer and stereo). What he meant was "do" something about the stack of undealt-with boxes towering in the middle of the room. I had mixed (no pun intended) feelings about it. It will probably come as no surprise that over this long time, my thought pattern had been... I can't live here. So I either have to leave or leave. In one case, I'd want everything pared to bare minimum, in the other it didn't matter at all. So I went through them, grabbed a couple things and stacked boxes to go in the attic as crap or things I'd never get to use again anyway (not as drastic as it sounds... art supplies requiring a specialized environment that I'll probably never have again). Then the clothes. Got it down to 2 boxes and a big Goodwill pile. Tidied up, ran a vacuum. Yeah, it looks better. Usually I get a big charge out of such a project. Nope.

So, maybe the mixed is gone. Maybe it is hitting a lull. Maybe it's picked a pole. Guess we'll see.