Hey shez,

I think Echoes nailed it: we communicate the way we know how.

BPD's may come across as 'manipulative' because our emotions seem skewed and inflated. Our perceptions are skewed to begin with... we speak a different language, interpret things in the world differently and see the world from our own reality which is largely distorted.

I can't say if you are BPD, but I can relate to what you're saying. I have horrible insecurities, they often prevent me from doing things I want to do. They prevent me from having healthy romantic relationships often enough. What may seem like a friendly gesture will come across to me as a subtle flirtation. All of my abandonment fears rise to the surface and eventually bubble over in anger, sadness, desparation and self-hatred. My rationale and heart say "this is not the case." My disorder says "I will be alone. it's my fault. it's all their fault. how could they do this to me?"

Something I've picked up along the way is to remind myself... that FEAR is false evidence appearing real. Although logic doesn't work in this disorder as much as I'd hope, it reminds me I'm the one with the off-the-rails thought disorder and fear is a great way to fuel it.

It would be great to learn how to differentiate between:
these are the facts talking = real versus this is my disorder talking = fear.

I definitely know where you're coming from shez. I get pretty passionate about things, too. My emotions are incredibly intense. Which I try to always sugar coat with the fact that I'm a sensitive hopeless romantic...hah! this maybe worked for Shakespeare but it's become a parody, now I'm just BPD.