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Hi, all. My name is Stephanie and I am new to Psych Central. And I am definitely new to the Bipolar Forum. I need to talk about it with someone. I mean, I have with my therapist and doctor, but lately it is not enough. I am a 38 woman who is a high school English teacher by profession. Amazingly, I have been in a wonderful relationship for fifteen years. My wife is my rock. But I need more than one person. Even though people believe I am doing well, I feel as though my world is falling apart. On top of surviving childhood sexual abuse, I was diagnosed with Bipolar I (rapid cycling) with psychotic features ten years ago. The illness has progressively gotten worse over the years to the point that it is “treatment refractory.” I’ve been hospitalized several times, I’ve undergone ECT treatments, I am in individual therapy, and I was in a partial hospitalization program for nine months. I am unable to work now and it sucks. I have too much time alone on my hands. I am locked in my head a lot. My mind races so fast. I can’t focus. I feel like I am drowning in a sea of rage and anger and fear. I loathe myself. Enough. I’ve said too much, yet not enough. I don’t know what I am looking for really. Support. Help. I don’t know. I just want the fear and the loneliness to dissipate. I want a safe place where I can vent and seek positive, non-judgmental feedback. Thanks.
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