Dear everyone, Thank you so much for your kind replies. Those horrible feelings have subsided, for now. Everything everone had to say was like a lightbulb. Too many for me to quote. It wasn't so bad to say it; oops. just had a sweet remembrance of kindergarten come up. School was a good place for me. Remembering feels like I am reclaiming myself, because even though they are negative, they do belong to me, and I have been missing them for years. It is like being up in the attic, in the dark, and there is furniture up there, shrouded. I cannot see them but their shapes are there just the same.