It is hard for me to reach out, but I am struggling tonight. It's been a while since I have felt this way, and I am not used to talking about the negative feelings. I usually try to spend my time helping others with their troubles. But I cannot sleep and I'm feeling overwhelmed and I am thinking about things that I don't want to think about. I know that much of this is due to the fact that I have been out of some of my meds for over a week due to money issues. Seems that my docs have conspired to put me on all name brands which is getting expensive. But that is no excuse. I know that meds are a priority and I have not been making them that lately.

I get feeling better, and then think that I can take on more than what I should, and I think that I have done that now and am paying the price. I make promises to people then feel that I have to follow through on them whether it is healthy for me or not. I hate the hypomania that convinces me that I am superwoman and that I can do more than what I know in reality that I can do. This illness is ridiculous in the highs and lows. Sometimes I wish that I would just stay low so that I would not do what I do. I don't even know if that makes any sense.

I get so angry at bipolar. And if I can express that anywhere, I guess I can express it here. Please be kind and don't lecture me about the med issue. I am doing that to myself enough. Going to the pharm to pick up after the holiday tomorrow.