I go through similar things. I have a boyfriend now for two years and I try to ge as much help as I can. It is a long difficult road but I am finding that the 12 steps have help-ed a lot along with maedication. I am now looking for a therapist as well. I try to not act out on my feelings, when possible, reminding myself that "feelings are not fact" and they will pass. Although, depression is real and medication is sometimes very much needed to clear the "fog" that had taken over....I struggle every day and realize that it is my responsibilty to try and get help. I know my boyfriend cannot help me. he can be there for me, but that will get old if I don't try to change how I behave. I also sabatoge a lot. I am not clear exactly why I do this self destructive behavior. Parying for help for us all...