so for those who have read my previous post from today...well...yesterday....you all know it wasn't so great. one little event snowballed into this huge, awful thing. i was so upset, and my boyfriend had to leave for work, but i was just so distraught, that i was begging and pleading with him not to go. i knew that he had to, but i just needed him just to be there with me so badly at that point. i was hysterical...i just couldn't stop crying, and i was so worked up. he stopped by after work, and i just feel so guilty about earlier. i don't feel much happier, although his presence does help. he's the most understanding and sweet guy that you could ever ask for, and how do i repay him????? by making him feel awful about leaving me when i am so upset, when he doesn't have a choice in the matter.... what kind of awful, horrid person am i to do that to such a sweet and loving person? last sunday, we almost broke up. not because either of us wanted to, but because i was so mad at myself and hated myself so much for being so unhappy and miserable around him. i just couldn't bare the thought anymore...i wanted to free him of this horrid person. all i want to do is make him as happy as he makes me, but yet all it feels like i do, is upset him, because he doesn't like seeing me upset. i feel so bad, because he is the only person that i'm completely comfortable around, so he's the one that gets graced with this horrible person. everyone else i know just gets a front. i ask him soooo many times, "why do you love me?" cuz i just really can't grasp how anyone could love me, especially when i hate myself so much. i just wanna be happy, and make him happy. i really have a hard time understanding why he is still with me after how down-in-the-dumps i get. there's nothing loveable about that....ugh...i duno..i'm just rambling...sorry it's so long........

<font color=purple>"I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I'll stop missing you." ~Anonymous</font color=purple>