i'm wondering everyone here has something to think about it but maybe not say... and why am I bringing it up?

some of my best achievements happened right in the hellhole of addiction.

some of my best positive thinking happened....just a reflex!

addiction teaches up and down open and shut life or death....

takes me back to basics the most basics..can I drink water without choking?...can I care without joking?

the most frightening thing about giving up is that it massively expands my choices!

...and then I am assaulted by my limits and I needlessly compare myself, hungry to improve on a seriously damaged product.

drunk I can solidify my immediate needs
hungover I can plan the next drink
wasted I can dream like a ghost
dealer close to feeler I can find the unrealer

flying high I have the energy to wipe everything out of my way and coming down I have no say....but the whisper of desperation....to save me?

this is the magic that I tossed away with all that tragedy.

what a shame this is the real shame I tossed it away.....I survived why kill that part of me it's a gift

no wonder I am struggling so bad

if this makes no sense...I'm just sayin' I ripped myself off!