no...i'm not seeing a therapist or taking any meds. i'm too afraid to talk to anyone about what i'm feeling. i have looked at the school couselors web page sooo many times, including today, which actually led me here. this is the first time talking about these feelings to anyone other than my boyfriend. i can't seem to find the courage to actually go and do it. i'm afraid of what other people with think and/or say if they see or know i'm going. like i'm some crazy person or something, even though i would never think that about anyone else if the situations were reversed. and a couple of my friends have talked to therapists, and they both said they were a lot of help, and my boyfriend has suggested to me numerous times that it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to talk to someone, but still...if its for me, i'm convinced people will think i'm a psycho...also, i don't want my parents, especially my mom, to find out. she already thinks that she's failed me as a mother because she never took me to church when i was a kid...if she found out that i went and talked to a therapist, or even my own doctor, but got put on meds or something, and she found out...i can only imagine what she would think and feel...don't get me wrong, i would LOVE to feel "normal." but i just can't seem to find the courage to talk to someone...and if i somehow managed to get there, i don't think i'd be able to say what i was feeling...i think i'd just sit there completely silent. i'd want someone to talk for me.

i do know what you mean about the compliments too...it's strange having someone compliment me on something i did, but i do know that i need to hear that, cuz otherwise, i just feel like i fail miserably at everything...i need that positive reinforcement.

thanks a lot for your note ...i'm glad i'm not the only one out there not understanding how other could possibly love them.

<font color=purple>"I dropped a tear in the ocean. The day you find it is the day I'll stop missing you." ~Anonymous</font color=purple>