Having had a few psychotic breaks myself, I can tell you from personal experience that your thinking is truely disordered and not rational.

Many times when my depression would get out of control I would think how I needed to kill myself and my children. They could be sleeping peacefully in their beds and I was lying in mine planning what to do to end "their" suffering. I was sure that I had failed them, that I had doomed them to the terrible pain that I was fighting daily.. Trust me, it is/was awful, awful pain and I am sure some of you have experienced this type of pain yourself.

The only thing that saved them and me was to get myself to a Dr who understood the depths of my depression and recognized my need for anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.

If I remember right, Andrea Yates was treated for major post partum depression with anti-depressants AND anti-psychotics. She was taken off the anti-pyschotic haldol shortly before she killed her children. Stupid move on the pdocs part, but could explain her extremely disordered thinking and the consequence of that thinking.

Psychotic thinking is SO REAL to the person experiencing it and it is a terrible way to exist. I say exist, because it truely is not living...........it is AWFUL!