Well, Leed, there is a recurring pattern in my life of people abusing me. I am totally beaten down to the point where I suffer from terrible C-PTSD.

As far as sexuality goes, I really want to be asexual. Sex and love are not for me. I freak out when someone is attracted to me. I can't date - it's no fun. I have very mixed feelings about having a relationship. I really just want to be alone like I have been my entire life. That's what I know and that's what I am comfortable with. I don't understand interpersonal relationships. I go blank and am unable to communicate my feelings. As for sex, I'd rather not get involved. I truly believe it's better that way. When people are attracted to me, it brings up feelings from rejection of my parents, who I never bonded with. So, dating and relationships are not enjoyable. I find love to be emotionally painful and avoid it totally. The more therapy I have, the worse the emotional pain seems to get.