I am so sorry Suzy5654 that your mother was so ill. I know the pain of psychosis and I know the pain and that it can cause loved ones.

I never thought of my children as "enemies" I only knew the pain I felt and just "KNEW" that I had doomed them to that pain also.

In a way, it was an extreme form of what some people who commit suicide feel............."oh everyone would be better off without me". Only not only do you think people would be better of without you ....... you also think you have either doomed the people you love the most, your defenseless children, to feeling this pain also or even worse that they are experiencing this pain at the same time and at the same level you are currently at..........

Even though your children may laugh and play and everyone remarks what a happy family you are.........you KNOW what is "REALLY" happening........you "KNOW" the pain that is your children are "REALLY" feeling. That you are NOT really a good mother, that you are awful and your children are doomed, how could you have done that to them, doomed them.........you love them!!

I know now that it was the psychosis that had me feeling.....no "KNOWING" that............but that is only because I have had the proper medications and the fact that I continue to be medication compliant.

Did my children have any idea of the depths of my illness........I like to think "no". But I do know that they felt the effects of my just general "MDD"..... for that I continue to feel sorry.