I'm not one that opens up much..... hope you all don't mind this ramble.
I'm feeling so torn ....... don't have a close relationship with my mother--- as she was my main abuser when I was a child.
Our relationship has been 95% me being the one she leans on and 5%-- I can count on her support..... which I quit looking for 10 years ago.
Anyway, I'm torn in that...... she shoplifts and I don't know what to do-- if anything-- about it. She's only done it once when I was with her-- as I haven't shopped with her for many years-- I've tried to distance myself from her to help in my healing. (though I know she does steal on occasion when she's by herself)
..... there is something in me that won't let this go..... maybe I'm still being the mother figure and feel I need to protect and guide her.... I've protected and gave her guidance since I was 13 years old...after my dad's first severe heart attack.
I'm so fearful that I'll feel guilty if she gets caught shoplifting-- as I've done nothing to help her to stop. How will I be able to live with myself knowing that she could be sitting in jail?? She occasionally gives me things that I KNOW she has stolen.... just two weeks ago she gave me a nightgown that she said she didn't like how it looked after all--- but it would never have fit her as she is quite a bit bigger than me-- and it's snug on me. I reluctantly accept the items because... I think she'll be upset if I don't..... but that makes me feel guilty as I know receiving stolen goods is wrong.
I'm so frustrated and confused. I know it's wrong to shoplift yet, my mom is not the kind you can confront and have a civil conservation with--- it will all be turned some how to be MY fault....... that's how it always goes with her. I'm the female black sheep of the family as it is(I have a brother that is the male black sheep-- he's an alcoholic).... if I say something to her, that could make things so much worse for me in the family. Some of my siblings don't believe she does this-- two of us have seen her and know she does it-- but the other one that has seen her doesn't want to deal with it--(the other sibling that saw her is the "golden daughter")--and lives nearly 500 miles away anyway)
Would it be cold for a daughter to do nothing and let the chips fall where they may-- by not warning her that it's wrong and someday she'll be caught??? Haven't I done enough and been there enough for her?
Just thought maybe someone looking from the outside could see this picture more clearly than me trying to see it through fogged-up relation-glasses.

(BTW-- my mom is elderly now-- in her 70's) Every therapist I've seen has guessed that she may have some Borderline Personality Disorder traits-- but haven't been able to confirm since she won't EVER see a therapist.