Candybear Mary Alice is 100% right! It won't be the end of the world if you change your mind. You have the right to change your mind. You can do family relations when you get strong enough, on your terms, and that could be a long time from now. Don't be afraid of what they may say or think, it's not your truth, it's theirs. It was many years before I could truly forgive my brother and sister for the way I was treated, which was much milder than what you experienced, and they sought my forgiveness. It may seem selfish, but it is truly not because taking care of yourself means you can give more of yourself when you are able. Give yourself a break, you're only human.