Seriously does it never end?...I am sick of trying to push the feeling that nothing is enjoyable away in an effort to enjoy things and/or not bring others down by being all unenthusiastic and depressed when I am around people trying to enjoy themselves.

Any time I start feeling a little better over-all it never lasts...I mean its like on occasion I am able to build a little confidence and see things as more hopeful like I might wake up feeling more or less ok one morning and think I can go get a job for instance.......so then I might even spend more money than I should or use my credit card when I shouldn't on the basis of 'oh well if I can keep this feeling up I can for sure figure something out and it will be fine.' Then the next day I'll feel totally hopeless and its a struggle to even drag myself out of bed not to mention I realize how stupid I was for falling for it again and screwing myself more financially all because I thought maybe it would be ok.

I mean what is even the point of trying anymore..the constant pain and misery that even prevents me from enjoying anything I might distract myself with is really exausting.