I guess I am self destructive. You see, I am symptom free right now. And I should be happy, right? NOOOOOOOOOOOO..... my stupid *** is really down knowing that I will be something else soon enough. It's tiring. I don't want another adrenaline week or another down time. It's almost like I would just rather bring myself down now than wait for it!

Does that make sense to anyone else?