Self esteem isn't ignorance, hmm. I am really trying to understand how you came to that conclusion. Like when you say that feeling good is fake. I am trying to understand why you think that. If you feel it at the time, then what makes it fake?

Your thought patterns and perception (and seriously Dan I mean this in a nice way, and please don't take it as anything but genuine concern) seem to be very negative. You asked how one can possibly see happiness in their future, all things considered. Perception, perspective, healthy thought process... it's not impossible.

Taking your power back, knowledge like Trippin said. Mindset.. If I think that nothing will get better, I think that I am hopeless and helpless, think I cannot do anything about it, think that I have no choice, think that I am beyond repair. What's the common theme in all these things, the common thing seems to be what I "think", if I keep thinking like this I just might very well "think" it into becoming so, or at least it is going to seem like it. To me that seems dangerous. You didn't say these things, I did, I'm just using an example.

You mentioned open mindedness in the other thread, being open minded means we keep our mind open to other possibilities, maybe you could apply that to some of these things here. If you open up to the possibility of things getting better, life being different, maybe you will find a path through this. It won't just fall into place by itself tho, and will take time, and lots of effort. You'd have to expect bumps in the road, it's never gonna be perfect. At the first sign of chaos you can't close the door again, or it won't work.

I dunno Dan, I'm really just trying to share with you some of what I have learned and some of what has helped me. I guess in hope that it can help you too. I know you don't want hope at the moment, but I can't help feeling it.

Like Trippin again, I learned a lot of stuff from people here at PC, and it didn't just click at first, I kind of thought they didn't know what they were talking about, or that I couldn't apply it to myself. It took me a long time to shift my mindset and my life.