For me, eye contact varies.

When I first met T, I forced myself to maintain eye contact. I actually tend to maintain eye contact with people I don't trust more than with people I trust. I need to be able to read them and their reactions and I can't do that if I'm not maintaining eye contact with the person.

As I learned to trust T more, I don't force the eye contact. I actually allow myself to look away. When I'm thinking or remembering or trying to figure something out, I tend to focus on a fixed spot in the distance rather than on T. When I'm trying to get her to understand something, or when she's speaking to me then I usually have eye contact with her.

My T is a very warm, calm, honest, reassuring person, so when I look her in the eyes, I feel that strength from her, that honesty, and it helps me to believe in what she's saying.