I know how you feel. If you can come to recognize the triggers/beginnings of symptoms for your down times, you can have less anxiety about enjoying the happy times. Or so my therapy sessions are telling me. I haven't had a chance to try it out yet. 
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RX and Daily meds:
Vraylar 1.5mg daily, Gabapentin 900mg daily
General Anxiety Disorder; Panic Disorder (unspecified); Borderline Personality Disorder; Schizoaffective Disorder/Bipolar Type; Fibromyalgia; Sleep Apnea
"putting on a brave face, trying to ignore the voices in the back of my head" - Gotye
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