well, havent realy felt confertable posting here for a while now.
just wanted u guys to know u have helped me alot all of you...... sorry for anything i have said that has offended any one.
to much anger. anger i have been hiding from that builds and is realesed without notice, with out thinking b4 i act.
umm been doing ok, actuly very good considering.
why? is beyond my understanding.
i can pull myself back into the darkness.
wich does not seem like a bad idea at the moment.
just kinda in limbo,, wondering when i can actully be me, and that will be ok?
no im not just drunk im getting a climpse into reality.
wich i have seem to lost touch with the last couple weeks sence i have been feeling better.
life sucks but dont look at it as a whole. look at it day by day and if that sucks try and find a moment in that day that is worth all of this confusion.? but what if those moments are dull and to far apart to make it worth while? and forcing yourself to belive things are ok,, when they realy are not, just isent as beliveable as it used to be.
am i making sence?
im not happy im not sad im ok tho. i will wake up in the morning and force myself to belive everything is good and the moments are good and the day is good and life is good. and things will be all better in due time.
nah this type of self delusion is not healthy.
ahh i dont know. what i want, to feel comfertable? because i dont realy want to be miserable.
is this post just a lame excuse to try and still be apart of somthing? i have no idea.....
where do i fit....?
bordem, somthing that i thought couldent possibly affect me anymore.
i cant seem to get out! i cant break this cycle!
maybe i can... courage..... is the answer.
this courage is hard to gain. man it is nearly impossible to grasp. i find myself trembeling at the sound of such a word.unless i am under the influence.
the truth.
lameee,,lame. lameee
depressed? not lately..
too scared to live? yes.
lame..
is there hope? allways..
ok....bunch of rubbish eh? yeah my thoughts exactly.
take care all,
oohhhh no here comes the beat!.... techno tetrise. whos gonna dance with me? ahahhahahahahahahahaha everyone dance and things will be ok.... dr. telbs prescribes 3 hours of up beat music and constant dancing each day! for all... no exeptions...
much love.
-telb