anybody else wonder if the father was tired of the whole mess: sick wife, big family? "fix" it all by leaving, "just a little" early????

i've done a fair amount if irrational planning in my day. my brain has many compartments. "knowing" has different contexts within the different sections. sometimes my "knowing" (of the moment) is so swollen in me i could pop with the need to act. my brain goes into a rationalizing spin of justifications that, if i'm not thinking clearly, can yank me places my real rational brain would never, in a million years, go.

imo, susan smith connived. andrea yates shorted out. and shorted out and shorted out til there was nothing left in her but shorts and a desperate need to make her "it" stop.

when i consider how raw and immediate my memories right now are of my moment on the mount, i gotta tell ya, my arms still feel over my head, the weight of her tiny self, the texture of her clothes, that crying baby sweaty smell...... branded and still stinging and stinking in my heart, my mind, my soul.

Oh Godd, i am capable.

Nah, andrea yates will never be free. what she did is in her being on toooo many, levels toooo many times-- whether she's cognizant or not, some part(s) of her knows, and the torment of that can never go away. in my humble opinion. i would beg for the death penalty.