Can you try to change your frame of mind. Can you try to think of bipolar as sort of a gift and not a curse? I used to hate this disease with everything inside me. I thought it defiined me but it doesnt. I define the disease I have. See if you can wrap your mind around the way I see myself now. I have extreme highs and lows. When I get extremely high, I do get the feel good part for a bit and there is nothing wrong with that it is not bad. Its lucky, its amazing normal people dont get to have that and we can be so much more productive because of it. I can go through and organize my entire home in two days, I come up with some pretty brilliant ideas and its almost like I use a completely different part of my brain. You just have to learn to control it, be on top of your sleep. Make sure you are getting enough not to throw yourself into something dangerous.
Then there is the depressed side and I get really really low and yes I get suicidal thoughts but they are just thoughts they are part of the disease and I tell myself these feelings are not real they are the bipolar and they will pass and guess what they do pass. I find ways to distract my mind from them. When I am super depressed I can be very creative in writing. I can write and it flows out of me like its been waiting to come out for years.l guess what Im trying to say is try to take the negative and give it a lighter side. Try to work with your weaknesses so to speak, and the more you learn to work inside your weaknesses the more you will become closer to being med free if that is what you want or maybe not med free but comfortable in your own skin no matter what side of the bipolar ride your on. Then your weaknesses willl no longer be that, they will be streangths, strenghths no matter where your at on the bipolar scale high, low, inbetween. For me I have learned to love my disease because its part of who I am. To be normal would be so boring. I think of all the emotions I have felt, the good and the bad and I look at my normal friends and I know that they will never know these deep intense feelings and I feel sorry for them. Dont get me wrong I do still struggle and I have had a long hard road with this but a lot of it has to do with perception. If you can take your mind and change it, and you can do this. You can see things in a whole new light. Come join me on this side buddy!!!!