It is really hard for someone who doesn't go through it to understand that there is a difference between having sui thoughts and actually developing a plan and intending to go through with it! I'm sorry that happened to you. I ALWAYS avoid talking about it because I don't trust anyone to understand that. I think about it a lot.. but it's not like I want to. I have two girls an an awesome wife and I will never leave them.... but the thoughts of sui are around all the time. I wish more people understood about it.