This is a really good thread Dan. Victim mentality or I think they used to call it "learned helplessness" is very widespread and far reaching. I think it's safe to say that most people who have been through a lot in life, have probably at some point gone through this even if just while. It's really easy to get stuck in this thinking too, but it's debilitating. So it's a great subject to talk about.

Here is a quote you might like.. “Everything can be taken from a man but …the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” I remember you use to post quotes.

I think the first place to start would be to identify the areas in your life where you use this type of thinking. And then asking your self some questions, "what do I want?", "where would I like to see myself?".

And then you can ask yourself some more questions.. "what can I do do change this?", or make it better, or how can I think about this differently so that I can see where " I " can help myself.

After you have all that then you can make a plan of action, and put it to use.

This changes your whole perception, it makes you feel empowered because instead of feeling defeat you will start to feel that you have choices, and have control over your life. It puts you right back into the drivers seat. It gives you some freedom.

When I gave up this kind of thinking, I had a lot of fear about it. It was comfortable, and I didn't trust myself, or have healthy self esteem, not much belief in myself. How can I be in the drivers seat without those things tho? So those are probably things we need to work on as well to get ourselves out of this.

I think maybe a big thing in this is not letting things define us, not illness, heritage, income, etc. You can't always change how others define you, but you can change how you define yourself. Maybe the others will take your cue, and define you differently too once you start to, like your wife for example.

My computer isn't showing me other replies till after I post . So forgive me if I am just repeating what has been said already.