Auds, I know. I know. I really do. You've struggled with this.

You can't have your dream unless you reach for it.

It seems to me you've been reaching for this for a long time. What does that tell you about being stuck.

Maybe this dream wasn't meant to reach back.

When a person wants something so bad, can they really give up on it and walk away.

Don't walk away. Step back.

I cant imagine i would ever be able to get over the disappointment

Of course you could. It would hurt like hell, but time would lessen it.