I have been there myself, and I know it's not easy to hear or do or even get along with the thought of it but even though you do say you must do - whatever you must - you can't do that all in one day and you did mention you have had a couple of rough days, so it is importan to pace yourself and to give yourself a break.

You're being incredibly hard on yourself right now. I'm just nobody on a random forum trying to help, and yet there are parts of my rants that reach corners that I did not mean to reach.

I am not judging you Hellion, if anything I am trying to let you know that I understand and I will repeat myself again and I'm sorry if I haven't been clear - but before you do anything, you have to take care of yourself as it goes. You need you, because otherwise you will have no strenght as you already feel like it right now.

I had absolutely no money (financial abuse) and I also endured verbal, psychological and sexual abuse. I knew I had to escape that situation because it was going to cost my life had I stayed. I didn't even know what to do, I wasn't in therapy or anything, I suffered greatly for 5 years yet I had to take time and work at my own pace to do what I could to achieve my sanity and some sort of control over my life.

Which is my point and it is something that I have learned through therapy, somehow it does feel we need instant results but things like these do take time and, well I don't know about you but when it comes to me PTSD has been slow and painful for me to deal with, because even after everything I have done in all these years (move out, divorce, job, therapy, treatment, you name it...) it is still a very long road to go.

Not anywhere near I think I should be, but at least keeping myself together, in one piece, is the one thing you should look forward everyday because nobody truly knows how much it hurts inside of you but you.

Again, I am sorry if whatever I have said hasn't been useful Hellion, I think I am not really getting my thoughts out as I should. I try to read and learn around here, whatever little I have picked up from along my experience I try to share it with others so at least it is not so painful or aggravating to others like me.

I apologize for doing such a poor job, I feel kind of awful thinking I have upset you instead of helping you at all. I truly hope things look up for you and you'll feel at least a bit better soon. Hugs.